‘Hello, Mr.. Obama!’ a heavily accented voice said, ‘This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!’
‘Well, Gurmukh,’ Obama replied, ‘This is indeed important news! How big is your army’
‘Right now,’ said Gurmukh, after a moment’s calculation, ‘there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara.. That makes eight’
Obama paused. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.’
‘ohh ho! Main kya ji..’ said Gurmukh. ‘I’ll have to ring you back!’
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
‘Mr. Obama, it is Gurmukh, I’m calling from Phagwara STD booth, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!’
‘And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh’ Obama asked.
‘Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik’s tractor.’
Obama sighed. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.’
‘Oh teri…..’ said Gurmukh. ‘I’ll have to get back to you.’
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
‘Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne…… We’ve modified Amrik’s tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind’s generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!’
Obama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. ‘I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!’
‘Tera palah hove oye….’ said Gurmukh, ‘I’ll have to ring you back.’
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Obama. ‘Why the sudden change of heart’
‘Well,’ said Gurmukh, ‘we’ve all had a long chat over a couple of lassi’s, and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!’
NOW THAT’S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE