If You Don’t Stop Jerking Off, Your Elbow Will Never Get Better

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.’

Joe figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with urine and deposited the $10.

The computer started making some noises and various lights started flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER. AVOID HEAVY LABOR. IT
WILL BE BETTER IN TWO WEEKS.
Later that evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, poured in the sample in the machine and deposited $10.

The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:

YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD – GET A WATER SOFTENER.

YOUR DOG HAS WORMS – GIVE IT VITAMINS.

YOUR DAUGHTER IS USING COCAINE – PUT HER IN REHAB.

YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT, TWINS, THEY ARE NOT YOURS – GET A LAWYER.

AND IF YOU DON’T STOP JERKING OFF, YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.

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