IKEA Lesbian Beds

Clip_270Now on sale at IKEA – Lesbian beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it’s all tongue and groove.

A Muslim was shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it’s definitely race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one; but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse’s outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can’t hold down a job, she’s not for him.

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day.  Apparently, ‘A meal for two with a terrible view’ isn’t the best way to announce number 69!

Paddy was doing some roofing work for Murphy.  He neared the top of the ladder and started shaking and becoming dizzy. He called down to Murphy and said, “I tink I will ‘ave to go home, I’ve come all over giddy and feel sick.” Murphy asked “Ave yer got vertigo?” Paddy replied “No I only live round the corner.”

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full.

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