Seven Funny Pirate Jokes

Clip_62Why can’t you play cards on a pirate ship? 

The captain keeps standing on the deck.

How do you make a tall pirate short?
You take all his money.

What does the ocean say when it sees the shore?
Nothing, it just waves.

What happened to the man with two wooden legs when his trousers caught fire?
He was burnt to the ground.

What does a pirate’s parrot eat.

Which pirate wears the biggest hat?
The one with the biggest head.

Question: Who’s that at the door?
Answer: A pirate with a wooden leg.
Questioner: Tell him to hop it.

The Jolly Roger flag, with its black background and white skull and crossbones, was designed to be scary. This flag was not used by all pirates, usually it was only flown by those sailing in the Spanish Main.

Pirates believed that wearing ‘pierced’ earrings would improve their eyesight – strange we think.

Pirates believed that having women on board their ship was bad luck.

They also believed that whistling on a ship would cause the weather to turn stormy; as in the phrase ‘to whistle up a storm’.

Pirates would take over island ports and make them a safe haven for pirates.

Almost all pirates stole their ships because they couldn’t buy ships in case they got caught and sent to jail. Once they had taken over a ship they had to convert it for pirate life, this usually meant making more room for sailors to live on board and strengthening the decks to hold the weight of the heavy cannons.

Ships sailing on their own often sailed close to warships or joined other convoys of ships to protect themselves from pirates. Pirates could only attack one ship at a time, so if the sailors travelled in groups there was less chance of their boat being the one that was attacked.

Pirate Captain’s would change out of their expensive, flashy clothes if there was a chance they might be captured. This way they could pretend they where only one of the crew, and not somebody important and hopefully escape.

Pirates probably didn’t have talking parrots say Will and Guy.

Although pirates have been around since the 15th century, most pirating happened between 1690 and 1720.

On the Caribbean island of St Thomas you will find a place called “Black Beard’s Castle”. It is believed that this is where the famous pirate spent many hours looking out for approaching ships.

“Let old men do their walking without interference….”

An elderly man was having a calm walk when he happens to pass a brothel. One of the prostitutes calls out: “Hey Grandpa! Why don’t you try?The old man replies: “No, my child, I cannot!”

The prostitute: “Cheer up! Let us try!”

The elderly man enters and performs like a 25-year-old.
The prostitute says:”Oh Gosh! And you still say you cannot.”
The old man replies: “Aaah, sex I can, what I cannot is pay!”

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