Making Love to a Witch

Clip_11A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels’ bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man’s milk and then he too took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”

The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles.”

Clip_12These two old men are in a nursing home. They’re talking and realize that it’s been years since they have had sex.

So they sneak out and go to the closest whorehouse.

Once inside they go to the Pimp and ask for the two best girls. The Pimp thought “I’m not going to waste my two best girls on these guys I’ll just give them inflatable women. They are old and they won’t know the difference.” 

Once the old men finish they leave.

On their way back they start talking. The first guy said, ” I think mine was dead she didn’t move or anything.”

The second guy said I think mine was a witch because when I nibbled on her neck she farted and flew out the window.”

Clip_15A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club.

One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, “I want to join your club.” 

The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, “Do you have a motorcycle?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep… my bike’s parked over there”, and points to a Harley in the driveway.

The biker asks, “Do you drink?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep… drink like a fish. I’ll drink any man in your club under the table.”

The biker asks, “Do you smoke?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep… smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I’m shooting pool.”

The biker is very impressed and asks, “Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, “Nope … but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times.”

Clip_16An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: 

Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.

Father: When was the last time you made a confession?

Man: I never have, I am Jewish.

Father: Then why are telling me all this?

Man: I am telling everybody …

Clip_17An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.” 

“But you are not wearing any of those things” replied the artist.

“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”

This entry was posted in Priests, Sex, Wife Jokes, Women and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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