Differences Amongst New Zealand, a Canadian, an American, & a Scottish Police Officer

Clip_64How do you tell the difference between an New Zealand Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?

SCENARIO: You’re on duty by yourself (don’t ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.

Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.

You are carrying your Police-issued Glock and you are an expert shot. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.

QUESTION:   What do you do?

ANSWER:

New Zealand  Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man’s human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?

5) Am I dressed provocatively ?

6) Could I run away ?

7) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand ?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?

9) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it ?

10) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?

11) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?

12) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?

13) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?

14) If I shoot and wound him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?

Canadian Police Officer:

BANG !

American Police Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

‘Click’…Reload…

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

Glasgow Police Officer:

“Haw, Jimmy.  Drop the fucking knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!”

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